COOL HUNTERS’ MORNING
“Detective Leo Goslin.”
The officer shook my hand, leaned in close enough for me to tell you his breath smelled like a bull’s ass. He looked at Killie with a sly smile and “With or Without You” playing in his ears.
“She’s your assistant?” The officer asked, like a dumb kid throbbing with a hard-on. I see it all the time, everywhere I go.
“No, she’s my partner,” I said.
“Is she single?” The officer asked.
I looked at Killie, readying to stamp her high heel into his kneecap. “We don’t start moving, I’ll cook your feces in the microwave and pour ‘em into your brain,” Killie said.
“She will. It’s actually surprising when she doesn’t do it.”
The officer nodded, “Don’t doubt it. She’s tall, y’know.”
“I’m standing right bloody here. Outta my way, turd.” Killie swatted him off and padded into the Sheriff’s Department.
“Six feet, six inches,” I uttered.
Killie stopped, didn’t turn around, but said, “People are usually in awe of my pissing distance, officer. Just somethin’ to keep in mind.”
We stood in the lobby of the Department, the Sheriff’s body leaned back in his chair, his mouth and eyes agape. Thick layer of saliva crusted over his mouth. To call him a big man wouldn’t just be an understatement, it’d be an insult. This was a man who was proud to be fat, he rocked that seventh plate of meat loaf.
“Heart attack?” I asked.
“If it was just a heart attack you wouldn’t be here,” the officer remarked.
Killie peered into his eyes, they were dilated. “Did he have any neurological disorders? Did he complain about anything?”
The officer scoffed, “Yeah, talked quite a bit ‘bout food. Look, I’m not his fucking doctor, okay?”
“Shut up,” Killed ordered. He did without a moment’s hesitation. “Any strange behavior in the office, anything to garner a few enemies — besides being the County Sheriff?”
“Oh, yeah. Last few years he’s been running a sex-slave operation from his office.”
Killie and I looked at each other and turned our gaze to the officer. “And you didn’t think this was relevant?” I asked.
“Leo, c’mon. Not exactly something you want to get out. He has a wife and three kids.”
I took a seat far from the Sheriff’s fat body. “What happened to the sex-slaves?”
“Escaped. They grabbed their chance sometime yesterday. I was off, came in this morning, and saw the Fat Man.”
Killie stared at the Fat Man. Leaning against the wall, somersaulting and twisting ideas, scenarios, everything she could get.
“Was the computer on when you got in?” Killie asked. I walked over.
“Yeah. I turned it off,” the officer said.
“I heard about these hacker who attacked epilepsy patients through their computer.” Killie continued, “They use bright, strobing animations to trigger migraines and even seizures.”
The officer scratched his head, “I dunno. If he had a seizure he still would’ve been able to swipe the computer or –”
“Not unless the epileptic seizure activated the heart attack,” I cut in.
Bingo. We walked out of the Department but Killie stopped for a moment with the officer.
“If you have dare to masturbate about me I’ll kill you in your dreams, fucker.”
Good morning, world. I’m Leo Goslin. Say hello to my partner, Killie. She pisses on people to death.
New group of characters, thought it’d be nice to take a break from the sci-fi stuff. Wanted to flesh them out in here ’cause I have a much longer story for them to be a part of. Thanks for reading, leave comments, or I’ll kill you in your dreams.
© 2008 Chris M Ferguson